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What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
- 45 kilos.
Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel?
- A: She was trying to blow the horn.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
- His lips are moving.
What should you do if you see a man rolling around on the floor in pain?
- SHOOT HIM AGAIN
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
- SHE WAS A WOMAN.
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any.
What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
- Sleep somewhere else.
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.
You Know You Are Getting Older When you're on vacation, and your ENERGY runs out before your money does.
 
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