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What do Monica Lewinsky and Soda Pop machines have in common?
- They both have slots which say "Insert Bill here."
What do you call a blonde mother-in-law?
- A: An air bag.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
- She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
- Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do men fart more than women?
- Because women won't shut the fuck up long enough to build up the pressure.
What's the difference between a man & a whale?
- Whales mate for life.
What bird can lift the most?
- A crane.
The reason why so many weird noises comes out of the business end of saxophones is that Mr. Sax never issued any instructions on how to use them. Contrary to popular belief the saxophones are percussion instruments and meant to be beaten by hammers. Large hammers.
Yeah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

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